Start in the Way You Mean to Go On

As I think about 2012 coming to an end and look to all things new in 2013 this saying came to mind.

Start in the way you mean to go on. 

So one last blog post to set the stage for many more (and hopefully more interesting) blogs posts in 2013.

I wish you all things wonderful in the New Year.

See you in 2013

Hovering

Tags

cycle class, goal setting, mindfulness, motivation, spin class

For those of you who have ever taken a spin/cycle class this word is probably met with a groan. This is the part of class that we love to hate; we know it will feel really good as soon as it is over! For those of you who have never experience hovering let me try to explain. To hover means that you are up out of the saddle (seat) of the bike and pedalling and your butt is “hovering” just over the saddle. It is different–and a lot harder–than pedalling while standing up  and you really feel it in your thighs and glutes. The picture below is a good example: her hair hides the grimace on her face and tears streaming down as she begs for it to be over! [click on the pic for a bunch more info and hovering and spin class terminology]

So I am likening my life at the moment to hovering; It is really hard and I don’t like it. Now I should probably clarify that my whole life isn’t really hard and there are some parts (and people) that I do enjoy. However, this whole go-back-to-full-time-university-at-42-get-straight-As-work-and-be-a-mom-and-wife-thing is a lot like hovering. When you watch people in a spin class it doesn’t looks so hard, but when you are the one with sweat pouring into your eyes and quads, hamstrings, glutes and lungs SCREAMING at you to make it stop, it is a different picture all together. I guess this is the same with many things; you don’t know what you are in for until you are in it!

Aren’t some of the best things in life hard-won? Please tell me this is so! I believe it is. In fact, there is all sorts of research on motivation to support this; people are the most satisfied when the succeed at moderately hard, but do-able tasks. We don’t seem to get the same satisfaction out of succeeding at easy tasks. The trick is to be able to know yourself well enough to determine if something is challenging, yet attainable as opposed to so hard that failure is likely.

The thing is, sometime you just need to sit back down in the saddle for a couple of seconds and regroup. Sometimes the screaming pain is not because it is hard, but because there is an injury and unless you pause for a second to assess it you won’t figure it out until it is too late. (Like me tearing my plantar fascia last summer when I jumped over a snake  and running on it for another 5 km)

I think many of us don’t put these pauses into our lives (guilty). The people who need these pauses the most are the ones who don’t have time for them. The danger is that if we don’t make the time our bodies and our mind have a way of making us make the time: physical illness, mental illness such as depression or anxiety, injury, all of these things are the body’s way of saying, “Slow Down and need a minute to regroup!!!”

Recently, I have come across a 10 minute mindfulness meditation that I really enjoy. The fellow who leads it, Andy Puddicombe (of course he is English with a name like that!) has such a calm and lovely voice. I have had a hard time finding 10 minutes out of the 1440 available to me each day, but when I do, I feel like I have added at least another 60 minutes for the ten I gave up. This mindfulness exercise makes my mind feel fresh and I am able to focus much better, plus I don’t feel as anxious about things and this too allows me to work more effectively. If you are feeling rushed and overwhelmed or like you are just not sure what direction you should take–find 10 minutes and give yourself the gift of mindfulness. It is one of those can’t lose propositions. You will feel stronger, more focused and motivate–just like hovering in a spin class without all the screaming!

What in your life make you feel like you are hovering?
Please go take ten minutes and listen to the meditation then come back here and post how you feel. (that next blog you were going to read will still be there when you are done!!!)

Today Must Be Thursday

Tags

planning fallacy

I could never get the hang of Thursdays…Arthur Dent (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)

Arthur Dent I am with you! If fact, I am very aware that this post is coming out on a Friday when I intended it to come out on Thursday–and that my posts have been VERY scarce of late.

I have had every intention of posting something for *ahem* several weeks. It has been on my to-do list every single day, but l keep running out of time! This is different from the procrastinate that I wrote about HERE. I really am working very hard, but just underestimate how much time everything takes to get done!

This is called “Planning Fallacy“. Yes, really.

Planning Fallacy is a tendency for people (or businesses or organizations) to under-estimate how long it will take to complete a task. I am riddled with planning fallacy issues! I have a list of things to do from yesterday (including this blog post) that I intended to have done. There are still a few bits that are uncompleted at the end of today. This is not because I watched too much TV or was avoiding doing the work; I have been working almost non stop on my tasks. I have simply under-estimated how much time it takes to get things done.

Why does this happen? Well, we don’t really know. Researchers (including one of my professors) are trying to figure it out, but so far the reasons are not clear. What we do know is that people are bad judges of how much time it will take them to get things done…they are overly optimistic about how much they can get done.

Now what I should have done was ask my husband or a good friend how much they though it would take me to get my to-do list done. They would have a much more accurate estimate of the time it would take me. It seems other people do not hold the naive optimism that we hold about ourselves when considering how long it will take to complete a task and those who know us well can provide a much more accurate estimate of how long it will take us to complete things!

So I guess tomorrow I will start once again to chip away at my to-do list. I have a huge list to get done tomorrow. Maybe I will show it to my husband and ask him what he thinks I can do in one day! That won’t change how much I have to do, but maybe it will allow me to realize how much I can do.

I’ll get back to you ASAP and let you know how it goes. Er, well maybe not exactly ASAP, but as soon as possible.

I am confident that will be later tomorrow. Or Sunday. Or perhaps maybe Monday….

Do  you ever underestimate how much time it will take you to complete a task?

17, 18 and 19 of 42

Yes, I have not fallen off the face of the earth, just buried under a huge pile of textbooks. This post is going to be a bit random, as my 8-yr-old would say, but I am going with the something is better than nothing approach at the moment. It seems to be a theme developing in my life at the moment.

I just did something I have never ever done in my entire life. At this point it may be wise for all non-geek, non-overachevers, rational types to just stop reading or you may be tempted to throw something through your computer at me. I don’t want to be responsible for a smashed computer screens!

Here is it. The thing I just did that I have never, ever done before:

I just wrote a quiz that I did not study for; I really did. Just now (#19). Didn’t study and preparation-be-damned, I logged onto “my learning space” and answered 24 question on groups, altruism and aggression.

I have reached the point in the semester where all things are on overload and it is actually not physically possible for me to do all of the work that is required of me. This is evidence by the fact that I have not managed a blog post for two weeks and my gym attendance has been slipping. I have a new-found empathy for all students. I will admit that I used to think, “Seriously, how hard can it be? All you have to do is read and go to class. Why are you so stressed out?”. I get it now and it really is quite overwhelming. Sorry.

As some of you may know my goal is to be a clinical counsellor and so I have been taking advantage of the free counselling services at WLU to get some tips on how to not go crazy while returning to school full-time and also as professional research for my future career. Last week my counsellor told me that most students don’t actually do all of the assigned reading. I almost fell out of my chair when she said this and I actually thought she was kidding–she wasn’t. I had never heard of such a thing! Then today I was faced with studying for my midterm tomorrow or trying to squeeze in some review for the quiz. Well, there are 300 pages of material to cover for the quiz and it is only worth 7%. My midterm is worth 25% and in my hardest subject. Now, math is not my strong suit, but I figured I was better off focusing on the midterm, so I said a prayer, crossed myself and logged on and wrote the quiz. I was relieved to find that a lot of the material was previously covered in my Sports Psych class. Phew. I don’t know what my score is, but I am practicing letting go of my perfectionist ways. Not working really well, but is a start (in fact, I am going to call that #18).

On a completely different subject, I have to share with you all the amazing opportunity my son N had this weekend. His choir–The Grand Philharmonic Children’s Choir– participated in a two-day song writing workshop with Jim Papoulis. You have heard his work even if you don’t recognize his name. Half the commercials on TV feature his music.

He is amazing and the kids and Jim actually wrote lyrics and music for a song. I have never witness the creation of a song before (#17) and it was a beautiful thing. The lyrics made me cry. The first night Jim asked the kids what was important to them and what kinds of things were hard. N volunteered that he didn’t like it when his parents made him do things he didn’t want to do! I had “made” N attend the song writing work shop. At the end of the second day, N agreed that it had been a good idea to make him go!

Here is a sneak peek at part of the song.

That is all I have time for at the moment. I hope to get back to more regular posts this week. The funny thing is that there is one on Planning Fallacy that I just can’t find the time to write!

What have you wung (winged??? wanged???) lately? How did it turn out?

Can you name a song written by Jim Papoulis?

The Dawn of a New Day

Tags

Josh and Chuck, procrastination, stuff you should know

Do you ever put off things you are supposed to do? Ha! You don’t really have to answer that question; we all do it. What may not be so obvious is the reasons why we don’t do the things that we know we should do. The crazy thing is a lot of the time the things that we put off doing are things that would improve our quality of life or at the very least remove a source of stress, but still we put them off–we procrastinate.

Procrastination is counterproductive, but you already know that. The question is why do we do it???? There are some complex reason why people procrastinate; I found a very good article in Psychology Today titled “Ten Things to Know”. It is well worth the read. A number of things that I have encountered lately come into play when considering procrastination.

1-Will power. Will power is like a muscle and when you use the muscle it gets tired. So if you have been working hard on something: not eating a cookie; getting a complicated task done; then you will have less will power left for any subsequent things. So if you finally finished a project at work, you may procrastinate instead of moving onto the next project. Your procrastination may simply be an indication of fatigue.

2-Fear of failure. If you start your new diet and exercise routine today then you may fall off the wagon tomorrow, but if you don’t start the new routine you can never screw it up. So procrastinating will keep you from failing. If you don’t start you never fail!

3-It is a rush. A literal and figurative rush. If you wait until absolutely the last minute to start a project your whole body will be thrown into it by way of activating the sympathetic nervous system. Way back when we needed to outrun predators our Fight or Flight response helped us avoid being eaten for lunch. Now when we wait until after lunch to start a complicated project that is due at 5, our fight or flight response kicked in and soon we are swimming in adrenalin and all pumped up. Josh and Chuck from Stuff You Should Know have a good explanation of it HERE (I love me some Josh and Chuck!). Anyway, the whole Opponent Process of Holy $%# I have to get this in by 5pm followed by the euphoria of finishing the project can be quite addicting and we may procrastinate because we then get such a rush when we complete the task. If we had simply done it in a more reasonable amount of time we would not experience the rush, but neither would we experience the detrimental stress!

4-Deer in the Headlights. Sometimes there is so much to be done that it is overwhelming. With so many choices about where to start, it becomes impossible to sift through them and pick something. I experienced this earlier today. I have 3 midterms to study for all of which require that I complete the assigned reading before I can really get to the studying, I have pressing consulting work that has a number of parts to it, I also have some contract work that needs to be done by Friday and I have a list of things that need to be done for the family. I sat at my dining room table flipping through (but not reading) the chapters of a textbook, checking Facebook updates and generally not accomplishing anything. I started to feel a bit panicky and realized that I just didn’t know where to start. This is often the time that serious procrastination will start and avoidance behaviours such as cleaning the bathroom or making a phone call will kick in. I think feeling overwhelmed is one of the biggest reasons for procrastination, but we don’t often acknowledge that this is what is actually going on.

I have recently learned that you really don’t need to start at the beginning of a task–you just have to start somewhere. I have also learned that how you feel about starting a task is irrelevant, but if you wait to feel like doing something, you may be waiting a long time.

My blogging has been like that. I have been so busy that I have not had time to think about what to post about. I also have had very few precious seconds with which to actually sit down and type. I have been waiting for inspiration to hit. As you can see from that dates between post–it hasn’t hit in a while. Then today a friend, I will call her “Twilight” and I had a Facebook exchange about how she was not completing something that she really needs to do. I told her that I was going to post about how she inspired my blog post; I was procrastinating by reading her Facebook post about procrastinating and it has actually inspired a blog post about procrastinating. Oh what a tangled web!

Now I should really be going to bed, but am using writing this blog post to procrastinate about that!

So tomorrow is a new day where nothing is holding you back except your willingness to accept procrastination as a valid way to operate.

I challenge you to do the following exercise:

1- identify one way that you are procrastinating

2- be aware of how your are feeling as you are thinking of this: are you tired? are you scared? are you bored? are you frozen?

3- Say, “by not doing __________ I am feeling ______________”

4- Picture yourself sitting in your favourite place. Image that your task is complete. What feeling will you have then? Relief? Happiness? Peace? Exhilaration?

5- Say “I will feel ___________when I complete_____________”

6- Go do it! You don’t have to start at the beginning you just have to start. If you want to write the last line of your report first–go for it.

You can cast off the negative feelings that accompany tasks left undone and embrace the positive feelings of a job completed. Think of how much energy you are using in worrying about the thing you need to do, but haven’t yet done. Go back up and read step one….and. just. start. It certainly won’t be worse that what you are doing now!

As for me: I finished reading the chapter I needed to read, I have written a blog post (thanks Twilight!) and now no more procrastination. I am off to bed!

‘night all.

Proverbs and Psychology

Tags

attitude, behaviour, just do it, proverbs, social psychology

Leap and the net will appear – John Burroughs

Be the change you want to see- Ghandi

Love they neighbour- Jesus

Fake it until you make it- anonymous

Just do it! –Nike

I am sure all of you have heard these saying before–although you may have thought the first one was from a zen master. I have always equally attracted to and depressed by each of these proverbs. Why? I love the imagery and the meaning of each, but I also feel that each is very hard if not impossible to do.

Well, that was before reading chapter four of my social psychology text book!

[A slight aside at this point. Please forgive me blogging silence: my blogging time is highly negatively correlated with my studying time. Yes, I am taking Research Methods, how did you know? I will write as my brain power allows and inspiration hits.]

It seems that if we wait for change to happen we will be waiting a long time. But if we act as if we have changed there is a good chance that we will actually be changed. More times that we would think likely, our attitudes follow our behaviour. Often we think we need to change our attitude to change our behaviour; that we must get into the right frame of mind so that we can affect change, but there is very good evidence for doing just the opposite. This makes me think of all the times I have sounded like my mother and told one of my kids to “change your attitude!”. Perhaps I should encourage them to change their behaviour instead.

There are numerous examples how changing a behaviour actually changes the way we think about the behaviour. Who is old enough to remember when there were no seatbelt laws? I have quite fond memories of jumping around with my brothers in the back of my dad’s van as we drove the 50km from Abbotsford to Vancouver. We never wore seat belts, but I never ever drive anywhere without mine on now. I have a very strong attitude about seatbelt safety now, but as I child I certainly didn’t. What changed? My mom and dad telling me that I needed to wear a seat belt (a behaviour) changed my attitude about wearing my seat belt.

Experiments have even demonstrated that acting like you like someone or doing a favour for another person increases how much you like them! Think about it; if you start to act like you like that annoying relative, you will actually start to like them more! Who wins in that situation? Both of you do–you won’t feel as irritated and there is a good probability that the relative’s behaviour will change in response to your change. Then guess what? You may BOTH have a new attitude towards each other.

Tolstoy put it this way, “We do not love people so much for the good they have done us, as for the good we have done them” It is so simple. Be kind.

I have always found this concept of behaviour before attitude true in my athletic training, but never understood the underlying psychological reasons (as I always want to know). I very often have a bad attitude at 5 am when I have to leave my nice warm bed and go out into the cool, cold, freezing morning (depending on the season) and get my training done. I have found that if I try and change my attitude about getting up and out the door I will fail miserably and while I stay in my nice warm bed for an extra hour or two,  I will regret it for the rest of the day. I have taken the counsel of the many many athlete that have gone before me: Don’t think just do. I say this to myself as I lay down at night and I say this to myself when the alarm goes off in the morning. I find that after a few morning of a new activity, I-actually-just-do. I still don’t want to do, but I do! Then after a few more morning I actually want to do  and getting out of bed isn’t so hard. I never knew why this happened before and now I do; it is putting the action in place. Nike had it right, Just do it! the rest will come. It is hard to put the behaviour in front of the wanting-to (the attitude), but it is so worth it.

Be warned the opposite is also true. There are some really ugly studies that chronicle all the ways that humans beings are capable of degrading and treating others with less and less humanity. “The more one harms and adjusts one’s attitudes, the easier harm doing becomes” (Social Psychology Perspectives pg 135)

I love being in university–well, at this moment, while blogging on my porch with a glass of wine at my side–because my studies continually explain the things I am experiencing in my everyday life! I had a quiz in my Learning and Behaviour class last week. I have been freaking out all week because this is the first measure of my performance as a full-time university. I managed to make it into this HUGE deal in my head. I have really struggled with the adjustment to five courses while working part time and training and oh yeah, mothering four children and wife-ing one fairly amazing husband. So, this quiz really took on a whole lot of significance for me and I thought I had messed up an answer. I have been agonizing over it. Seriously, agonizing over what the prof was going to think of that fact that I mixed up my examples for salience and belongingness (don’t ask). My attitude has been one of dread. Well, today we got our quizzes back. I waited till almost everyone else had gone up at the end of class to pick theirs up before I went and got mine. I was attempting all sorts of positive self talk about how the mark doesn’t make the woman and dreading the 6/10 I was expecting. I saw my quiz on the desk and the word written on it were, “10/10 Nice!” I will admit to you that I was irrationally joyful. The prof told me that I “nailed it”. I seriously started crying with relief when I got out of the lecture room. I need to get a handle on this or I will be exhausted by midterms, but what struck me was my attitude. I expected to do badly; I always expect to do badly and am always surprised when I do well. If that doesn’t make sense to you (yeah!) check out my previous post on imposter syndrome. So after being enlightened by my Social Psychology text book this evening, I am going to change my behaviour. I am going to go about my days as if  I am an accomplished, intelligent student–one who does well on exams and essays and quizzes. I figure that this must be a lot less exhausting than the behaviour I am manifesting at the moment: that of a mature student-who-can’t-cut-it-and-who-really should-not-have-ever-considered-reducing-gainful-(if unfulfilling)-employment-to pursue-a-dream.

Be the change you want to see.

You know what? You will actually BE what you want to see.

Turns out Jesus was right. He said, “love thy neighbour as thy self” There is a great deal to unpack with this verse that I simply don’t have the time or theological training to do, but if you think about it through a social psychology lens: act as if you love your neighbour and you will love your neighbour and as an added bonus., you will also love (be kind to) yourself.

Now I must be off to practice my “Don’t think, just do” mantra. I have stayed up way past my bedtime blogging and have enjoyed every minute I have spent with you, but I have a date with my master’s swim group at 5:30

Goodnight

Be well every one!

Challenge:

Comment on one thing that you are going to do this week that is a change in your behaviour…especially something that you don’t feel like doing, but really want to…

15 &16 of 42: Master’s Swim and other Embarrassments

Tags

Dave Matthews Band, Jason de Caires Taylor, master's swim, mature student, mental health

Just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive, just completely overwhelmed by the demands of being a wife, mother, student, consultant, sunday school teacher and wanna-be triathlete. It is only the second week of my return to full-time university and so I am still finding my way, but at the moment I feel a bit like this fellow.

I have just discovered the beautiful underwater art of Jason de Caires Taylor. His underwater sculptures are quite amazing. Either click on the picture or on his highlighted name to view his website. It is worth a look. The images are stunning,

I only hope I get my gait before I end up like this:

I would like to write some insightful observations or a witty anecdotes, but I have just finished trying to wrap my head around correlation coefficients (now taking applications for tutors) so I don’t really have much brain power left and an alarming large amount of homework still to do!

But for a quick update that will satisfy a couple of my 42 new things this year:

I have joined the Laurier Master’s Swim Club. The people are really nice and it is really hard! There are some SERIOUS swimmers in this group and they speak in swim-drill-code. I am learning the language and figuring out which lane I belong in (I am happy to report that it is not the slowest, BUT I did get passed by a pregnant chick) and I am committed to showing up every Tuesday and Thursday at 5:30 am. My hope is that this will translate into such a fast swim time next season that I will be so far ahead of everyone else out of the water that nobody can catch me on the run! I have all winter to work on it. I hope my twice weekly weigh lifting sessions and cycling will help increase my speed too. No, I am not allowed to run yet. The snake really did a number on my foot and it is still pretty sore.

I am really committed to keeping up my fitness because, quite honestly, I need to make sure I retain my mental health until the end of this semester. Here are just a few snippets of my Monday university experience:

• In my first class, when referencing the trend of positive reinforcement behaviour modification so prevalent in the 1970s, the instructor made mention about how there was only one other person in the room who was alive at that time (wonder who that could be?) Later in the lecture she asked if anybody was an aunt or an uncle and knew about babies. She shocked the class by telling them the babies have different personalities right from birth–who knew?
• I was late for my next class because there was a huge line up for the bathroom (at least that is universal). Almost all the seats were taken and I had to make my way along a narrow row to get to a middle seat. I lost my balance (because I am the geek carrying text books around in her back pack) and fell forward (think boobs first) into some poor young unsuspecting lad already sitting down. THEN I had to sit next to him. I really don’t recall what the prof was talking about for the most of that lecture *cringe* I am going to call this 16 of 42-Boob assault!
• My last prof was referencing a study from 1970 and he stated that he hadn’t been alive when it was conducted. I hope to God he was kidding, but I am probably older than him!

Tomorrow I am at it again. The saving grace is that the subject matter is absolutely fascinating and I hope to share some of what I am learning with you soon. Just let me get caught up on my reading first.

Can you spot the Dave Matthews Band reference in this post?

Have you ever unintentionally assaulted someone with a body part?

14 of 42 My First Day of School

Tags

first day of school, laurier, mature student

Well this was it–the first day of classes at Wilfred Laurier University. It is my first day as a full-time university student in 23 years!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is Wilf enjoying the sunshine and pondering.  This is my “first day of school” shot!

It went pretty well. I didn’t get stuffed into any lockers (most likely because I don’t think there are any lockers except in the gym!). I found all of my classrooms and two people even spoke to me! My professors seem very capable and one is even funny!

After a rigorous day of academics I found my bike with a flat. It seems that my bike likes to get flat tires. A lot. I think the universe is telling me that I need to get better at fixing flat tires, and I am considering investing in some tube stocks.

On this return to school I was struck by all sorts of random and divergent thoughts. So I am simply going to list them here and you can take them as you will.

• This is the first, first day of school I can ever remember where I didn’t feel self-conscious about my weight.
• I didn’t get the memo about wearing shorts
• I need to ad “legit” and “sick” into my vocabulary
• Professors are not as old as they used to be
• By the number of grande-frappacino-green-tea blah-blah-blahs I saw students drinking, they all either have a hell of a lot more money than I do or are going to be phoning home by mid October to refill the food cards!
• Work-life-school balance will be interesting. I was madly trying to finish a work report 10 minutes before my first lecture began
• Laurier Student Union Rocks! They are one of the first universities in Canada to offer and EAP (employee assistance program) for every single student. This means that we can all access counselling and other service free of charge!
• No one cares that I am as old as the professors!

Have you embarked on anything new this fall?

What are your main memory of your first day of school: elementary, high school or university?

13 of 42 Back to School–Giving Your Brain a Break!

Tags

anxiety, back to school, brain, executive function, habit

I am using writing this blog post as an avoidance and calming technique. I am in a wee bit of a panic. You see, I have done something crazy. At 42 I have decided to go back to school FULL TIME. What am I thinking? Right at this moment I have no idea; which is mildly amusing since I am returning to school to study psychology.

I have been a part-time student at Wilfred Laurier University for over a year…and have  managed to eke out 5 classes. At that rate it was going to take me years and years to finish my degree and I really want to be done with this undergrad so I can get on with the master’s degree and this fall I am taking the plunge to just.get.it.done.

My children all left the house this morning EXCITED for school to being–even the teens! This was a lovely thing to witness. They are all looking forward to being in a new grade and are feeling confident and positive; even my one who had some very negative experiences with bullying last year strode onto the playground with happy anticipation. Me? I am having nightmares about forgetting my lines in a play and getting panic attacks at the pool worrying over which lane to swim in. What is up?

It would seem that I am having a perfectly normal and predictable experience. I, like most of human kind, do not adapt quickly to change and when the change involves a rather large dose of the unknown it is daunting. We human beings are creatures of habit–literally and figuratively. Our brains create protocols  so we don’t have to actively think about how to drive a car or any other task that we do on a routine basis. When we throw a completely  new thing our brain’s way it, well, it gets a little panicky until a new protocol is established to deal with it. So my brain is not sure how to handle 5, YES FIVE, classes this semester and all that goes along with being a full-time 42 yr old student because I have never been a full-time university student as a 42-year-old before. It probably had a protocol to handle this-ahem-twenty odd years ago, but that was in a different province at a different university studying different subjects and at a very different time in my life. Realizing that I simply must go and do before I can feel comfortable is somehow very comforting.

Do you ever worry about having to do something that you haven’t done before? I know, silly question, but have you ever wondered why you worry? We attribute the anxiety to the THING we must do, but actually it may not be the thing at all. What if all the time we spend worrying and over preparing for and imaging all the things that could go wrong is truly for naught? Could it be that the feelings of anxiety, discomfort and paralyzing fear are simply our brain’s inability to assign a protocol (or habit as I wrote about here) to a task that we have never done before? It changes the whole way we interpret the anxiety. Am I feeling this way because I am ill prepared and am going to do a bad job or simply because it is a new experience that my brain cannot yet catalogue and establish a response for? The more I consider this, the more I believe it is the latter.

When I first started speaking professionally, I would become completely undone before my talk: sweating, breathing fast, sick to my stomach and not able to eat for hours beforehand. I would question why on earth I agreed to do it. Then as hundreds of face looked expectantly at me I would simply have to begin and find my way through it. After a few such exhausting experiences, my anxiety prior to a talk lessened and continued to decrease until now I only have a few momentary jitters and I look forward to the time I get to speak. Is it because I got better at it? Yes, but the thing that improved the most was the detailed protocol that my brain established for public speaking. It recognized the fast heart rate and the stomach ache as normal precursors to the event and did not react with an increased flight or fight response and these feelings went away. My brain even developed protocols for what to do when the sound or the Powerpoint failed or it seemed like I wasn’t connecting with the audience. So now when I speak, I have multiple layers of protocol and very few things that my brain doesn’t know how to process. Now when unexpected events do happen there are so many protocols in place running automatically that my brain has lots of cells left to fire up the executive functioning part and figure out what the heck to do with the heckler (or the tornado warning as happened when I was the keynote at a conference in Iowa).

What if we started trusting that our brain will figure these things out if we simply give it enough exposure to an event? Why is it that we think we should be perfect the first time we do something or that “nerves” are bad? If we reframe our feelings about the unknown it may actually help us cope better. Yes, the job interview tomorrow makes you quake in your boots. Of course it does! Your brain doesn’t have a protocol for “job interview with company x”. That is okay. My wonderful friend, David, once told me: “feelings are for feeling”. I think what he meant was that it is okay to feel anyway you feel; feeling are real, but they don’t dictate your reality or how you will perform in any new experience. Of course be aware that if your brain has a readily accessible script for how to freak out in any new situation, then that may be the protocol that it attempts to access first, but you can establish a new script for such events! So enter the new experience giving yourself (and your brain) permission to not know how to do something that you have never done before–allow yourself to simply take in your surrounding without expectation of performance. I will tell you a little secret: this in itself will reduce your stress level and anxiety a great deal. All the brain function that is not spent on freaking out about why you feel so nervous or questioning why you don’t know the exactly the right thing to say will be spent on listening  and considering and thinking about the best way to respond to the situation and creating a positive protocol to deal with new and unknown things.

This doesn’t only apply to the big-ticket items. I made reference to how I got all nervous about picking a lane to swim in this morning. Why? Well, my beloved YMCA is cleaning the pool so I can’t swim there this week. This morning I went to the Waterloo Rec Centre to swim. My brain doesn’t have a protocol for how strict this pool is with their labeled lanes of “fast, medium and leisure” nor does it know whether or not the swimmers in these lanes are regulars with established etiquette for who swims there. Since  at 6:40 am I hadn’t developed this theory of brain function yet (oh how I love how the process of writing forces me to be concrete in my thinking) I did not recognize the fact that by walking onto an unfamiliar pool deck I had thrust my brain into a situation that it did not have any protocol or script for…my poor brain reacted by having my stand on the pool deck unsure of which lane to pick as it madly scanned its files for a protocol to deal with this unfamiliar situation. I felt like the kid during  gym class that stands there while every body else is called for the team. Ugh! At the YMCA I know which lane I am in and I recognize the swimmers so my brain doesn’t need to fret and automatically initiates the script that says, “go to lane x and start swimming”. I tell you when your brain doesn’t have that pre-established protocol it can be exhausting. I actually changed lanes 3 times before I settled down and did my workout. I think what saved me was after I swam a few laps in one lane my brain switched to the “swim work out one” protocol and knew what it was doing!

Be ready for the new thing that you will encounter this week. It is okay if you don’t know how to deal with it–simply experience it. By doing that, you will allow your brain to create a protocol for how to deal with “new experience a”. I am going to do this next Monday morning at 10:30 when I enter the first class of my new full-time university experience. I can tell you right now that I will most assuredly by the oldest student in the class, but other than that I have no idea how it will go–and I don’t have to know that right now. I will experience it on Monday and learn about it. Just writing these thoughts down has lessened my anxiety. I cannot expect my brain to have a protocol for something it has never experience and you cannot expect your brain to either. Cut the poor 100 billion neuron, 3 lbs of brain matter some slack–and the rest of you while you are at it! Albert Einstein said, “the only source of knowledge is experience” and I do believe he was bang on! Our brains need experience to create protocol or “how to scripts”and we can’t expect our brains, and thus ourselves, to know how to do this without going through that first experience. The first experience is actually they key to feeling competent. Simply allow yourself to go through it. I declare this “Give your brain a break week!”

What will be new for you this week? I challenge you to simply allow yourself to experience it without expectation!

What are you going to do to celebrate “Give Your Brain a Break Week?”

Reset Buttons and Mute Switches

Tags

mute button, reset button, sitting quietly, time

Today my family will return after 7 days away. I sit uninterrupted in front of the computer sipping coffee. It is quiet. That will soon all change and I can’t wait. It has been a wonderful week and I do believe I feel more rested and relaxed than if I had gone to an all-inclusive resort and I am ready for the return of reality.

I have had updates on how much fun the kids have been having and I can’t wait to hear their stories (although I am dreading the dirty laundry). I miss sitting down to dinner and hearing all about everybody’s day. In fact one of the things that was a challenge this week was remembering to eat; without any little ones asking for snacks or what’s for dinner, I continually forgot to prepare food!

Reviewing the list of things I wanted to do this week has shown me that I did not get a lot of them done, but that is just fine with me. The focus of this week was to relax and refocus to prepare for the fall. I definitely felt I have done that–I just may need a little more time to get the physical tasked done.

Here is a report on how I made out with my to do list:

• Finish all contract work I got this all done by noon on Monday! I cannot believe how much work I can get done when uninterrupted. I am considering finding a quiet spot out of the house to do my work from now on.
• clean out the junk room sun room and convert to office for me Uhm, if I get the house cleaned before the family arrives I will start on this!
• clean the house! Well, I cleaned the parts that my friends would see when they came over on Tuesday night! Now the rest today before the dirty, campy-stinky kids get home
• go to a movie with my friend I did! My friend and I saw “Moonrise Kingdom” on Monday night. It is a strange little indie film. These kinds of films always make me feel like I am not getting some really cerebral point that I am not smart enough to get, but it was so weird that I got lost in it and stopped thinking about my life for 90 minutes and that was nice.
• start my new strength-focused training plan 3x Oh Yeah! Three times!!! It is super hard and super awesome.
• go for a long bike ride Yup, Philosopher and I went for a 40km ride on which I had my 3rd flat of the week!. It was still great
• swim x 2 Yup. I love swimming and got to try a new work out that involves speed work. My breast stroke has improved from laughable to just horrible.
• go to physio Twice. The second time when the tape came off I found I could walk without pain and that the swelling had all but disappeared. My physio did not seem to take my request to start running seriously–in fact she wacked me and said “NO!!!”.  Sheeesh.
• ice my foot 3 x a day I did this at least twice every day. It made me sit down and relax which was very nice.
• get the dog groomed Let’s change this one to “make an appointment to get the dog groomed” Booked until September, really???
• find the missing library item Uh, no.  
• have a glass of wine with friends on the front porch (any takers?) The highlight of my week. Friends congregated on the front porch and we had a wonderful evening.
• get a handle on my schedule for the fall I think I am getting a handle on my schedule. At least I have figured out where my training will fit in (6am every morning–yawn). I will be in charge of taking the kids to school everyday and pick up Tuesday & Thursday. My husband will do pick up the other days. Just getting this sorted has actually reduced my stress level quite a bit!
• sit quietly and not be interrupted Heaven. I did this multiple times
• talk on the phone and not be interrupted Well, for the most part. There was the one time that someone knocked on the door when I was on a conference call and the dog started barking and I shushed her and talked to my friend at the door and realized AFTER that the mute switch on my phone did not work. Embarrassed!!!! I should know better from my life as an emergency dispatcher–never trust your mute button!
• go to the bathroom and not have any one needing to ask me questions that simply CANNOT wait until I am done. 
• eat well Ahem, well….when I remembered to eat I did eat well. I made a conscious effort to have super healthy smoothies before my workouts; however, I did not spend hours preparing organic, vegan meals for myself. On Thursday night when I realized that I needed to eat now!!!! I had soft-boiled eggs, toast and tomatoes from a friend’s garden. Then last night I went out for a burger all by myself and ended up having dinner with a friend from my Triathlon group–nice surprise.
• go to bed early For the most part I failed miserably at this one; the is something to enticing about a quiet house at night. I did go to be at 8:30 on Thursday in preparation for my 5am wake up to bike up to the Y and it was wonderful!
• organize my iTunes library Uh, no. but I did read a couple of articles on it.

This week home alone was such a gift. I really feel like I was able to hit the reset button and get myself in a good organized state in all sorts of areas. One of the best things I did was not worry about the things I did not get done although as soon as I finished this blog post I am going to bust my butt and get this house sparkling clean before the dirty hoards descent–at least I will have a clean base from which to deal with that! Then it is on to hit the ground running to prepare for fall!

What would you do with a week to yourself at home?